Thoughts 6.07.11

I’ve been working for about one and a half weeks so far. It’s great to work and be paid for it.

I really don’t wanna sound like I’m complaining, but I just need to use this space to express how I feel.

Somehow something just doesn’t feel right. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m still adjusting to going back to the workforce. I’m not anti-social by nature and I have been making an effort to integrate with the team. But I still feel really awkward and uncomfortable with them, quite unlike my previous stints in other companies. Perhaps working relationships, just like other relationships, need time to be cultivated. I’m sure they feel just as awkward with me.

I hate the feeling of being lost and not not knowing what to do. These are things which are new to me, and I really feel the pressure rising. I’m trying to learn as fast as I can but I need some time. I can feel some of them get irritated when I ask questions or make mistakes. I know I need to step up and make a bigger effort to gain that industry knowledge to do this job well.

I shouldn’t feel this way cos it’s just work, but I’m really starting to doubt myself and whether I am up to this job or not.

Sigh. I sound like such a dweeb now.